standing outside the fire.

“Standing outside the fire.
Life is not tried, it is merely survived,
If you’re standing outside the fire.”

‘i’m not going to stand outside the fire,’ i thought. ‘i can face this world alone, but i don’t have to. i’m convinced it’s not living if you stand outside the fire.’ i was going for it. all out and completely mustering all of my confidence. she ruined it. it was supposed to be all me, and now it’s nothing. this feeling in my stomach is not going away. i don’t know what to do or to say.

i’m awkward, shy, and totally and completely unable to say what i mean. i apologize for being me, i am utterly sorry. i’m just really petty.